I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
