Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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