so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
