U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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