I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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