if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
