Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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