Will you blow on my dice?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
