3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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