i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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