i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
