I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
