Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
