The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
