this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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