The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
