I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
