but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
