conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
