return my video game
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
