I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize