OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
