Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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