There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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