I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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