sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You ruined the universe
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
