The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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