as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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