i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
