I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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