if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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