'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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