I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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