The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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