We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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