Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
pray to the hookup gods
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
