I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
