it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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