Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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