so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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