At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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