i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
