If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
