3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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