He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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