apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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