i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
