I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.