pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
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Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
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He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...