please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...