I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.