Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.

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  (586): I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault. http://tfl.nu/nhl8
  Replies (14) Good night (2860) Bad night (1105)
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  (925): View more from California

  Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up

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  (925): Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up http://tfl.nu/uhz5
  Replies (17) Good night (5151) Bad night (620)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.

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  (417): Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass. http://tfl.nu/mz6y
  Replies (8) Good night (1018) Bad night (2301)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign

  (562): View more from California

  You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo

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  (650): We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign (562): You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo http://tfl.nu/9pp5
  Replies (68) Good night (5743) Bad night (1038)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life

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  (571): I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life http://tfl.nu/ta8c
  Replies (5) Good night (3498) Bad night (1381)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.

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  (630): the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever. http://tfl.nu/uuz9
  Replies (9) Good night (6006) Bad night (975)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways

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  (904): we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways http://tfl.nu/vdwk
  Replies (6) Good night (4236) Bad night (1214)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.

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  (425): ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture. http://tfl.nu/ky0p
  Replies (4) Good night (2214) Bad night (640)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.

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  (575): Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end. http://tfl.nu/gjro
  Replies (10) Good night (1553) Bad night (833)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor

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  (604): I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor http://tfl.nu/wqmd
  Replies (8) Good night (671) Bad night (428)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.

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  (506): There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet. http://tfl.nu/yw9h
  Replies (23) Good night (1128) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?

  (512): View more from Texas

  It was just one of those nights, man.

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  (512): I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something. (1-512): Why was his mouth around your nose anyways? (512): It was just one of those nights, man. http://tfl.nu/4s6y
  Replies (2) Good night (431) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!

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  (513): Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton! http://tfl.nu/r6h6
  Replies (2) Good night (282) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me

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  (303): So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me http://tfl.nu/rws0
  Replies (4) Good night (590) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.

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  (210): If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this. http://tfl.nu/pefz
  Replies (0) Good night (423) Bad night (488)

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