The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
