what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
