it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though