Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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