You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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