What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
