oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm passing your future prison.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
