Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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