I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
