I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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