Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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