I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it's like iHOP with fire
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Vodka?
Forever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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