JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
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We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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