Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
