Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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