Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
