I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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