Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
