her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
