not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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