I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize